5'3''. The Brunette Vixen. In healthy love.
Q: What was one item that helped you through your breakup?
A: It was definitely music for me. I don't know about a specific favorite song- I swear I had an entire heartbreak playlist and it was probably more torture than help but I KNOW this one was a major frontrunner. Still brings back memories of those heart-wrenching nights when I wallowed in the hurt and the what-ifs. "You Made a Fool of Me" Me'Shell NdegeOcello
My breakup testimony:
Hindsight is truly 20/20.
If you asked me then:
The relationship ended because he cheated, and I ignored it, and so he finally came up with a reason to break up with me. After it ended, I would have told you I understood that I needed it to be removed from my life and it was unhealthy.
If you asked me now:
The relationship ended PARTIALLY because he cheated/I ignored it/he ended it...but it also ended because it was doomed from the start. We were terribly young. It was an idol in my life. I ignored glaring red flags for mostly the sole reason that I was a bit too immature to really understand why a red flag is red. I was more concerned with being right than with doing right by my heart. I wanted the time end heart energy I had invested into the IDEA of this relationship to not have been in vain. I didn't want to be wrong. And that pride sucked me into a much longer more painful experience than I ever needed to have. Ultimately, if you asked me now, I would say it ended because it HAD to, and it was a foregone conclusion. God finally said "Child, you won't unclench your fingers, so I will remove it from your hands by force."
I coped with faith, music, and trying to battle the emotion with logic and hope. Daily, I kept myself busy- I committed to activities, events, and people. I talked to several close friends on a regular basis about what I was feeling. I prayed. I read books. I did Bible studies. But the nights- those were the absolute worst. When the activities of the day finally stop, and it's just you and the night, the sadness has a way of creeping in to fill the space and it can be utterly overwhelming. I remember staying up as late as possible (talking on the phone, falling asleep at my computer or in front of the TV) so that when I actually got into bed and my head hit the pillow I would just fall asleep rather than fall down the emotional rabbit hole. Those were the moments I felt the pain most keenly.
My lowest moments were those when I entertained the idea that it might be worth resolution, and when I held out hope that he would still want me- those were the moments I felt ugly and disappointed in myself for having even the hope that someone who didn't respect me might want me. I wanted so much to be the strong, independent, and fiercely logical person I am in so many other areas of my life when it came to this season, but those traits were no match for true emotional turmoil. I remember how hard it was to be angry, because I wasn't only angry at him- I was angry at myself for having allowed it to go so far, and angry at myself for missing him. Sometimes that was harder than the pain of what he did or the pain of being without him. I remember being so frustrated that I couldn't just emulate and BELIEVE the "his loss" attitude.
If I could give myself advice, I would give younger me more encouragement- I would tell her that time and prayer and honesty with self are good coping strategies, and so to not lose hope that it seems to be moving slower than needed. I would tell younger me that it's ok to be a woman who takes a long time to heal. I would tell younger me that the incredible strength of emotion she is feeling now will serve her so well when she experiences a love that is healthy. I would tell her not to be ashamed of the part she played in her story, and that her broken heart will teach her things she NEEDS to learn. I definitely slipped several times, I definitely struggled, but each time I came back to the trying. Just daily one foot in front of the other TRYING to make the choice to be ok. Some days it really felt like a never ending experience. But somehow, though it happened in so many millions of miniscule moments of almost imperceptible growth, I healed. In a thousand ways over the year I have looked back and realized that experience seems so far away, and that wounded, conflicted girl is now a stranger that I once knew. Healing is a wonderful thing and time truly has a way of making us appreciate the beauty and growth in some of our most deeply difficult moments. But let's be real- I wouldn't do it over again.
Lover of Love. 26. Healed. Happy
Q: What was one item that helped you through your breakup?
A: My favorite was an entire bottle of Moscato (before it was in all the videos- won't touch it now. Lol) from the corner store. It was in an all blue bottle with a big Sun on the front. Yes. The wine and a few hours of Syleena Johnson's song "Another Relationship"- oh yes. That
Q: What was one item that helped you through your breakup?
A: My favorite was an entire bottle of Moscato (before it was in all the videos- won't touch it now. Lol) from the corner store. It was in an all blue bottle with a big Sun on the front. Yes. The wine and a few hours of Syleena Johnson's song "Another Relationship"- oh yes. That was my go to... until I began to heal :)
My breakup testimony:
I had to talk about it. I couldn't stop talking about it. It played over and over in my head- all of it. The good, the bad, happy, sad, all of it as if my memories were on constant replay not allowing me to move on. The only advice I could possibly give the broken-hearted version of me- is "Just keep going. Begin loving SELF first and just keep loving. Refuse to suffer, just feel the pain and do the work. Life gets real good, I promise :)
37. 5'10". free and single!
Q: What was one item that helped you through your breakup?
A: My running shoes!! I wore them and ran daily. Clear head, clear heart. I also listened to Anita Baker's caught up in the rapture every day. It was the last song we slow danced to right before he took me to the airport. When I returned it helped me feel close to him and also reminded me that I deserved a guy who was caught up in the rapture of me!!!!
My breakup testimony:
We’d had a whirlwind romance. a classic and clichéd story of free spirited adventure loving travelers. We were from different countries, both traveling and met and fell in love on a trip. Then the challenge came of making the relationship real. For a year and a half we traversed continents, time zones, languages, cultures, and race to be together. After seeing 4 continents, we decided to settle in the country where we'd met. And ultimately where we broke up 6 weeks later, a few blocks from the bus stop where we'd met.
He initiated the breakup. We were struggling with the logistics of our relationship. I had no official visa and the only way for me to stay and for us to settle down, stop traveling, and be in the same city for more than a few weeks at a time was to get married. He wasn’t ready. He wanted to keep traveling. So I came back to the United States, heartbroken and broke, unsure of my next move or who I was.
At my lowest moment, I walked into cvs and heard the Whitney Houston rendition of "I will always love you" and burst into tears. I’d never realized it was a breakup song! I hid out by the cleaning products until I could see straight again and walked out without buying anything, dignity left by the sponges and ajax.
I ran daily and journaled my feelings. I also meditated in earnest. I talked to some friends, but I’d isolated myself while traveling that I didn’t have many people to talk to once I returned so i wrote most of it down. It’s still painful to read those pages in my journal.
In retrospect, I was trying so hard to get over it that I dismissed a lot of my feelings. I didn’t allow myself to get tooooo upset for fear of upsetting those around me or going too far down the rabbit hole. I’d tell myself back in November 2014 that it was ok to be devastated and that it was a very hard time so she didn’t have to pretend to be any stronger than she felt at the time. I’d tell her that her broken heart was not the sign of any weakness and people cared enough about her to care that she was hurting. I’d also tell her that the rejection of her lover was not an indication of her worth. I don’t think I would have told her this at the time, but I would have snuck her a note to open later which would say that her broken heart would one day become her badge of courage and the facilitator through which she would find meaning and light in her life. And that she would be ok.
Queen. Alpha Female. Single "S"uper Woman
Q: What was one item that helped you through your breakup?
A: One thing that helped me get through was wine and lots of it. #teamspirits
My breakup testimony:
My relationship ended with me buying my ex a one way plane ticket to the state we came from. It's hard to say who initiated the break up because we both were done. My lowest mom
Q: What was one item that helped you through your breakup?
A: One thing that helped me get through was wine and lots of it. #teamspirits
My breakup testimony:
My relationship ended with me buying my ex a one way plane ticket to the state we came from. It's hard to say who initiated the break up because we both were done. My lowest moment was when all of the deception and lies came out and I was left with two kids, no family, impounded car, eviction notice and lost friendships. To get through it I buried myself in my new church home and church family. I haven't been able to talk about it much but God got me. My advice to myself was to pray, push, and know that I belonged here.
31. dental hygienist. minimalist
Q: What was one item that helped you through your breakup?
A: My coping mechanism after a break-up would have to be the song "Give it up, turn it loose" by En Vogue. This song talks about failed love and girlfriends giving encouraging words. It helps to have a group of positive friends to get your mind off of the pain but also be uplifting and say hey you got hurt, don't blame love, and let it go!
My breakup testimony:
I personally take break-ups and internalize them. They're usually pretty hard on me for a few days and then I get over them. The worst break-up that I've been through is actually a collection of break-ups that ended the same way. The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said and never explained. Whenever a man chooses to walk away from me without letting me know, without even one word. The man that chooses to leave me guessing what happened by ignoring me and disappearing from my life. Unfortunately this has happened twice so I group these two as the same man. The non-confrontational coward.
When I broke up with the non-confrontational coward two things take place, a break in his usual patterns of communicating (via texts or calls) and then complete utter silence. I would say the lowest moment is the very moment when my heart feels like it drops in my stomach due to the realization that I'm not going to hear from him again. This is the part I internalize. I usually can't eat and have a hard time sleeping. The stress makes me lose weight. I replay every day I shared with him in my mind over and over to see if there were any red flags. After a couple weeks I'm back to my regular peaceful self and ready to let it go. Looking back I don't think I would have done anything differently. I believe when I'm hurting, to feel through the pain, make sense of the anguish, then find constructive ways to move on such as praying and reminding myself there is a God that loves me. Also watching things that make me laugh (like old episodes of the Simpsons, Martin, Sex and the City) and talking with spiritual friends who can guide me through it.
LYRICS:
Baby girl (unfair but true) Can love him once but not twice Who plays games with no rules (a fool) Tears for fears (are no surprise) Happens almost every time Love knocks you on your behind (Loved you hard, loved you long, now his love is gone) Love 'em and leave 'em (is the rule of most dogs) You must be strong Stand up on your own Take control of your life I've seen it time and time again It's not worth it, no Don't be down and miserable You and only you Can bring yourself around
[Chorus:] Give it up, turn it loose Oh, if he don't wantcha, you don't need 'em, girl, yeah Give it up, turn it loose Oh, you got to have
[Verse 2:]
Fact of life (so sad but true)
Love can often hurt you
Leaving scars most of your life (nightmares can haunt you)
But fairytales of love, can come true
Both play tricks on your mind
(You'll be fine, take this time, to find piece of mind)
Sooner or later (bad feelings will die)
You must be strong
Don't blame it all on love
In time good things will come
I've seen time and time again
It's not worth it, no no
Don't be down and miserable
You and only you
Can bring yourself around Baby girl (unfair but true)
Can love him once but not twice
Who plays games with no rules (a fool)
Tears for fears (are no surprise)
Happens almost every time
Love knocks you on your behind
(Loved you hard, loved you long, now his love is gone)
Love 'em and leave 'em (is the rule of most dogs)
You must be strong
Stand up on your own
Take control of your life
I've seen it time and time again
It's not worth it, no
Don't be down and miserable
You and only you
Can bring yourself around
5'5". a loyal lova. currently dating
Q: What was one item that helped you through your breakup?
A: My navy blue oversized college logo hoodie. it makes me happy. I can snuggle with myself in it.
My breakup testimony:
Well, my last relationship didn't necessarily have an end. It lingered on until I realized it was over. He just stopped talking to me. Period. I eventually
Q: What was one item that helped you through your breakup?
A: My navy blue oversized college logo hoodie. it makes me happy. I can snuggle with myself in it.
My breakup testimony:
Well, my last relationship didn't necessarily have an end. It lingered on until I realized it was over. He just stopped talking to me. Period. I eventually told him that it was officially over. Even though I'm sure we both knew it was over. It was really hard after the breakup. I was planning to change my entire life for this man. Move to another city with no family around, find a new job and live in his home. All just for him. I felt lost after the breakup. I had to make a new life plan all by myself. I just immersed myself in Hulu and Netflix and started working out a little harder! I sat around the house alone. I told only a couple of people. I'm a private person, so I usually deal with things on my own. I would probably advise myself to never give up your entire life for someone who takes it for granted.
smart. pretty smile. sharp tongue
Q: What was one item that helped you through your breakup?
A: Sleep. I slept a LOT. Like seriously. I just wanted to be unconscious I think. I ate a lot but not one particular thing. I think I ate EVERYTHING. Chocolate was my favorite. 7-11 has these fake Keebler elves fudge stripe cookies that taste better than the real ones. I ate a loooooot of those and puffy Cheetos.
My breakup testimony:
My lowest moment was standing in the shower realizing that it had definitely been over a year since the break up and I was still in so much pain. I started wondering if possibly death was less painful. Of course right after that thought I felt guilty. Guilty for being a Christian thinking of taking my own life, guilty for thinking about the amount of pain that would cause my mom and the rest of my family and then embarrassed that I actually let this *expletive* get me to a point where I questioned life. I decided I was trippin and went to sleep.
Another low moment was when the spiritual lady I worked for brought her daughter to work and casually asked if I wanted to be hypnotized to help me with my sadness. All of a sudden she said she had an outside meeting that was not in the calendar and I knew it was a set up. But I didn't care. I knew it was out of love and at this point I was willing to try anything to numb my feelings. Taking 10 bathroom breaks a day to go cry in the corner was starting to wear on me. So I said sure.
I laid on this lawn chair thing they had outside, stared at the crystal that she had in her hand, counted backwards from 10...then I heard a bird chirping I looked up at the sky and I thought: Really? Hypnosis? This is what it's come to? And I giggled. I started laughing at myself inside my head (If she makes me bark like a dog I'm leaving, Is this bench even clean?!) but I didn't want to be rude. So in order to keep myself from laughing out loud, I prayed. Told Jesus that I needed help in any way shape or form he can give it me. Told him I didn't think I was strong enough to get through it. Prayed for happiness, real happiness, to come back.
The advice I would give is to know that you're strong enough to get through it. And to always turn your hurt and grievances to Jesus. Because sometimes the pain gets so unbearable it is really easy to develop vices that last a lifetime - long after the hurt stops.
